


Invictus (Unconquerable)

by PeachyDae



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Character Death, M/M, September 11 Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 12:59:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11162346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachyDae/pseuds/PeachyDae
Summary: The sky outside went from sunny and clear, to black and ashy. Smoke from the fires the accident must have caused filled the air. I pulled my shirt up over my nose and mouth so I didn’t breathe in any of the stuff. I hurried along the sidewalk and when I got home, Henry wasn’t at the door. I ran to our room and as soon as it was unlocked, I turned the TV on. The news was being drowned out by the sound of sirens blaring outside my window. The panicked cries of the anchors saying that a second plane hit the South Tower filled my ears. He was right; this was a terrorist attack.





	1. The Sky became Black

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY! The last half of the kaisoo birthdays is done. This one is a bit more realistic and I apologize for any errors.

“Kyungsoo,” A smooth voice beckons me. “Kyungsoo, wake up.” Soft kisses are being pressed to my  cheeks and I feel my face scrunch up. I open my eyes and am met with warm, sun-kissed skin and deep brown hair.

“It’s 7:30 in the morning, go back to sleep Jongin.” I grimace as he presses his tongue to my forehead. I reached out blindly, smacked him, and sit up with a glare.

“You’re so gross!” I cried, rubbing my head furiously. He just laughed and kissed me.

“I love you too. Get ready, I’m taking you out to breakfast.” I watched him disappear down the hall, a smile stretched across my lips. Quickly, I raced to the bathroom, showered, and dressed. I made my way to the living room and snaked my arms around him.

“Ready to go?” he asked, eyes warm and caring. I nodded and took his hand, our fingers lacing together as we walked. As we exited the building, Henry, the doorman, smiled at us he pushed the door.

“The weather is nice you two, have a good day.” I thanked him and took in a deep breath. New York City, Center of the Universe. We walked along the sidewalk, the leaves fluttering around our shoes. A few dogs barked at us and Jongin’s eyes lit up at them. After our walk, we ended up in front of a small breakfast diner. As we opened the door, a small bell noise rang and my senses were instantly filled with the smell of cooking bacon and soft, sweet pastries. We picked a booth in the very back and a waitress greated.

“What can I get you two to drink?” She asked, her voice was peachy and held a country accent.

“Chocolate milk, please!” I laughed and looked at him. He was bouncing excitedly and beaming like a child on Christmas whom met Santa for the first time. I order a glass of orange juice and when she leaves, he reaches his hands across the table and massages my fingers. The waitress comes back and sets are drinks down. I order two eggs and some sausage and he orders biscuits and gravy.

“How are you feeling, Soo?” I took a sip of my juice.

“I’m fine Nini, how are you?” 

“I’m wonderful because I have you, and chocolate milk.” Our food is brought and he takes a bite before sighing in satisfaction. I take a bite, our remaining hands holding tight to each other. He swallows and looks up at me.

“What? Is something on my face?” I turn away and wipe my face quickly.

“Nothing is on your face you’re just so beautiful Soo, I love you so much and one day, I’m gonna marry you and we’ll adopt a kid and have a few dogs and we’re gonna grow old together and you’ll have to get me chocolate milk everyday.” My face is burning and I look down trying my best not to cry.

“I love you too, Jongin.” He kisses my hand before his pager is buzzing. He looks at it and his eyes widen.

“What is it?” He looks at me.

“They need all emergency staff to the North Tower, there’s been a plane crash.”

“But, it’s your day off! It can’t be that bad Nini, otherwise they would have called earlier. We don’t get days off together anymore and I-”

“I don’t have a choice Kyungsoo.” I look down, tears pooling in my eyes. He grips my chin and presses his lips to mine. 

“Don’t cry Soo, go home and I’ll be back before dinner. I love you.” He’s turning to race out the door but before he does, I grab his hand.

“I love you too, Nini, more than anything.” He smiles, gives me one more kiss, and then, he’s gone.

 

The sky outside went from sunny and clear, to black and ashy. Smoke from the fires the accident must have caused filled the air. I pulled my shirt up over my nose and mouth so I didn’t breathe in any of the stuff. I hurried along the sidewalk and when I got home, Henry wasn’t at the door. I ran to our room and as soon as it was unlocked, I turned the TV on. The news was being drowned out by the sound of sirens blaring outside my window. The panicked cries of the anchors saying that a second plane hit the South Tower filled my ears. He was right; this was a terrorist attack.

The phone rang and I was quick to grab it, hoping it was Jongin calling to tell me he was okay. Instead, I was met with the alarmed voice of my mother.

¨Kyungsoo! Are you okay?!? What happened?!?! Why is your home under attack!??!?” I took a deep breath trying to relax myself.

“Everything is fine, Mom. Please don’t worry, okay?” I watched the screen in horror as the fires raged on. We stayed on the phone for the next hour while she kept asking for updates. Then the unexpected happened. A bright flash and loud boom draw my attention and the phone slips from my grasp as the North Tower collapses.

“Kyungsoo? What’s going on? What happened?” I pick the phone up and press it to my ear, my voice raw.

“I need to go I’ll call you back.” I hang up and immediately dial Jongin’s number. I began to pace nervously as it dialed.

_ “Hi, this is Jongin Kim. I can’t answer right now so please leave message.” _

“Jongin, please call me. Please I need to know you’re safe I-” The phone crackled and Taemin, Jongin’s best friend,  answered.

“Kyungsoo,”

“Taemin! Where’s Jongin? Is he okay? Are you okay? What’s going on?”  A muffled sound rang through the speaker.

“K-Kyungsoo, I’m sorry. We tried.” My heart thumped in my ears and I could feel my eyes prickle with tears.

“I-I don’t understand.” I sniffed.

“Jongin was killed, Kyungsoo. Three shards of metal went into his back when the building collapsed. We tried to stitch him up but there was too much blood.” I could feel my stomach drop and I felt numb. My entire world collapsed and I could feel the sob rip itself out of my chest.

“He said he loves you and that he’s sorry.” I could hear the sirens in the background and Taemin sighed “I have to go Kyungsoo, I’m so sorry.”

“When can I see him?”

“I don’t know, as soon as this whole mess is taken care of. I’ll come get you, okay?” I nodded and hung up the phone. I replayed what Taemin had said and my heart fell. I crash to the floor as I took in how empty and big the apartment was without his loud laugh and soft words.

_ He is gone. My Jongin is gone.  _


	2. And the Dawn Comes on a New Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of the night that covers me,   
>  Black as the pit from pole to pole,   
> I thank whatever gods may be   
>  For my unconquerable soul.   
> In the fell clutch of circumstance   
>  I have not winced nor cried aloud.   
> Under the bludgeonings of chance   
>  My head is bloody, but unbowed.   
> Beyond this place of wrath and tears   
>  Looms but the Horror of the shade,   
> And yet the menace of the years   
>  Finds and shall find me unafraid.   
> It matters not how strait the gate,   
>  How charged with punishments the scroll,   
> I am the master of my fate,   
>  I am the captain of my soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter and marching band is done for six weeks so I will have time to do more work. Please feel free to request stuff and such :)  
> P.S the poem isn't mine. It is Invictus by William Ernest Henley

“Kyungsoo, wake up. We will be late for the ceremony.” The voice was rich and held a somewhat floral tone. I opened my eyes and was met with caramel skin and midnight hair. His smile stretched across his face and I tried my best to smile back.

It had been 473,385,600 seconds since that phone call. 473,385,600 seconds since my world came crashing down. 473,385,600 seconds and I’m still just as hollow. I remember his funeral, being announced as his special friend, how peaceful he looked, how I couldn’t look at him, how Taemin gave me a pat on the shoulder as I approached the podium to speak, and breaking down before the first word left my mouth.

I must have spaced out because Taemin touched my cheek and brought me back. He brushed away a stray tear.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered and looked down as more tears fell. He pulled my chin up and for a moment, I flash back to that diner. He presses a kiss between my eyebrows and squeezes my hand.

“Don’t apologize, Soo. I miss him too; everyday.” The silence was filled with our quiet breathing and my soft sobs. “Come on Kyungsoo, we’re going to be late.” I nod and let him pull me out the door.

As we get nearer and nearer to the city, I see the large crowd that has gathered in the park and I begin to tear up again. Taemin, who has my bag slung over his shoulder, squeezes my hand and guides me forward and through the rush of people. We stop next to a stage and Taemin hands me a folded up piece of paper. He smiles, kisses my forehead, and leaves to stand amongst the crowd. I swallow the knot in my throat and step up to the microphone.

“Um, h-hello.” The people hush each other and all the eyes, cameras, recorders, are on me. “My name is Kyungsoo Do, I’m 35 years old, and the love of my life, Jongin Kim, was one of the eight EMTs killed during the attacks on the World Trade Center that occurred on this day, 15 years ago.” I can already feel tears welling in my eyes.

“I remember everything that happened that day. It was his day off and so, he woke me up at 7:30 and took me out to a diner for breakfast.” I’m crying now and the letters that are written are blurry and I can’t read them. “He had chocolate milk to drink and he was sunlight in not only mine but his friends’ lives as well. When he was paged, he told me he loved me and promised to be home for dinner.” I let out a sob and echos through the park. I see Taemin in the crowd and he’s lifting his chin and smiling to me through his warm, deep-set eyes. 

“I tried to call him after the North Tower collapsed and instead, was met with his friend, Taemin, telling me that they had tried to save him, tried to stitch him up, but there was too much blood. At that moment, not only was the nation’s world falling, but mine collapsed as well.” I take a deep breath and open my mouth to continue. 

“After his death, while I had his physical possessions to remember him by, I always felt empty. I hated the people who ruined my life, and lives of many others but most recently, I have remembered that those who attacked our city, their families lost someone too. ” As I spoke the rang through the park, not even the birds sang. 

“I spoke today not in vain, but because I can now accept what happened to my Jongin and I can now move forward into forgiving those who took him away.” The only sound from the crowd are sniffs and cries. I can feel myself building up to close up my speech, my hands shaking as I scan the last line. I know this is what I need; closure, coming to terms that he is no longer here.

“Jongin, my love,” I pause and prepare myself for my last words. “I love you, thank you.” I step back and feel myself walked down the steps of the stage and Taemin’s arms were wrapped around me, kissing away my tears.

“You did amazing, Soo.” We walk through the crowd and around the wall. People touch my shoulder and tell me their condolences. I just nod, smile, and thank them as Taemin gently leads me to him. When I spot his name covered in flowers, stuffed toys, and other mall gifts, I can’t stop the tears from flowing. I bury my face in Taemin’s chest and he rubs my back. We step closer and I can read the print of his name clearly. I kiss my fingers and carefully press them to the top of the ‘J’ in his name. Under it, is a piece of paper addressed to me. I pick it up and a tremor goes through me as I run my thumb over his scrawly handwriting.

The is dated September 11, 2001 and it looks as if it was written in a rush. The paper is yellowed and torn with age but it’s still his writing; _ still him.  _

_ “Kyungsoo,”  _ It reads, his voice coming back to me.  _ “I know the inevitable has happened and I wish I could change it but, I have done my best to protect the people of the accident, serve the country I honor, and be there for you, my love. While you will be heartbroken, you must fight on.”  _ I can barely read anymore as I picture him quickly scribbling this in those last moments.  _ “I love you with all of my heart Kyungsoo Kim.”  _ My heart shatters and a let out a choked sob. Taemin gently combs through my hair with his fingers and presses his lips to forehead.

“There’s something on the back, Kyungsoo.” He whispers to me. I flip the paper over and read through the script on the back.

_ Out of the night that covers me,  _

_      Black as the pit from pole to pole,  _

_ I thank whatever gods may be  _

_      For my unconquerable soul.  _

 

_ In the fell clutch of circumstance  _

_      I have not winced nor cried aloud.  _

_ Under the bludgeonings of chance  _

_      My head is bloody, but unbowed.  _

 

_ Beyond this place of wrath and tears  _

_      Looms but the Horror of the shade,  _

_ And yet the menace of the years  _

_      Finds and shall find me unafraid.  _

 

_ It matters not how strait the gate,  _

_      How charged with punishments the scroll,  _

_ I am the master of my fate,  _

_      I am the captain of my soul. _

 

 

* * *

 

It's a never ending cycle that I've finally grown used to. I wake up in the morning to tanned skin and soft kisses but not from him. I go out to the movies, do my work, watch dogs along the street and even adopt one. Henry still greats me on my way out the door and there's someone there for me always. Even though it's not Jongin, Taemin has done his best to help me heal. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I smile as Jungah sends me a text of her recent ultrasound photo.

_ "Baby Taeoh is ready to meet his Daddies :) :)" _

It hurts and on some nights I cry late into the evening and early into the morning but yet I know; I am invictus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again please leave kudos and comments <3 :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and please leave comments!


End file.
